You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
