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We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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