That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize