he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
