i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
a search helicopter?!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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