You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
