i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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