Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
