love makes seman taste better
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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