i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
