I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
