tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
