R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize