Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize