Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
