May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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