Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
