No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
