Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
