Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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