I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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