I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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