I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
