Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
