you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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