there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
