If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
