I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
