ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
