I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
