yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
