you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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