just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
