By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
