I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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