Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
