i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
