She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
