Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
