I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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