So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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