That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Randomize
