Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
