he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
