You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
