I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
