I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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