i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
