I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize