I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
