U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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