Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
