Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
And then he peed in my hair
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