I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
