So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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