Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
