I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Someone came in the potted fern
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize