There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
