If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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