R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
