he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
