if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need water and some morals
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
