now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
