Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
