I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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