Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
