I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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