best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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