but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
