Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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